i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
