Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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