I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am available for nakedness
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
