I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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