Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
