The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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