you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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