Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
