yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
