It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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