i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
