What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
