the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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