youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
