Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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