He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
