hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
