So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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