fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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