My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
