there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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