Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The uberlube is also flammable
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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