I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
