i just had sex bonerless
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
