I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Less talking, more tequila
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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