Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this is an emotional support booty call
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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