so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
