The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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