i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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