I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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