dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Randomize
