i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
