So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
