She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
