The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
