He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
