i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
