mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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