I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
