Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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