Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
