Me. At least after what I've been through.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
