I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
