Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
