also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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