Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
