There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
