I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would ride that face into the sunset
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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