I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize