If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
