we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And then he peed in my hair
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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