Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
