fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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