And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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