I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
