my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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