maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
