Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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