he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
