dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
