Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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