just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
