i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
