Nicole vs. Life
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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