At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
