After last night, I could never be a politician.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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