Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
