The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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