I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
