I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
